Here Comes the Bride...

I couldn't wait until Saturday to weigh myself so I did it today and I lost half a pound. Better than nothing I suppose.


Also, I realise we haven't set a date and don't really know when we can afford it but I think I've found "the dress":


It's just over £600 but so worth it. Plus, if I stay the same size, I could fit into one of their size 20's (after it being adjusted in slightly and possibly out one inch on the hips (my hips are HUGE!)) but I don't want that, I'm determined to be in one of their smaller sizes. I just hope it's still on sale by the time I lose weight/get married *fingers crossed* :D

Celebrate Good Times, Come on!

I lost 4 Ibs! Therefore I weigh 275 and I have 131 to lose - hurrah! I realise the first week is a bit early to be celebrating this much but considering I'm only concentrating on the food portion of losing weight and not the excercise, I'm really surprised and happy with the result. To be fair, also, I weighed myself at a different time of day (before was about 5 in the morning - I don't think I could replicate that now) but I think I've still lost some weight despite that. What a good start to get off to! Here's a few things I've learnt this week:

• Having someone else doing the same diet (he's doing it as well after my own request) really helps.
• Doing a flexible diet where you can eat what you like in moderation is awesome!
• It's also not as difficult as I thought (my final realisation in this list is the main reason for this).
• Acceptance is key. I'm gonna eat rubbish and eat too much sometimes. But if I can accept it and carry on and not beat myself up for it, it's not as difficult as it could be (like last night when I ate one too many cupcakes. I don't care, I really bloody enjoyed it and I'd worked hard on this all wekk so I think I deserved it).
• One tiny cupcake is almost the same amount of calories as a massive bag of Sainsbury's own Cinema-Style popcorn! I think I'll stick to the popcorn in future.
• It's all my choice.

That last one is the main, clearing, identifier in my mind. It is absolutely my choice what I eat and how much excercise I do. Like my doctor said, it's my choice to take my anti-depressant tablets or not. But equally, I'm the one who has to live with the consequences of that. I have to live with being fat, I have to live with being unhappy, I have to live with being jobless. No one else. Or I could choose to do something about it. And I have. I've chosen to eat less and more healthily. I'm choosing to take the tablets that'll help me deal with things better. I haven't yet chosen to look for a job because I've chosen to deal with the above things first.

P.S. I also just chose to eat another cupcake. I told him to move them so I didn't choose to eat any more haha!

Fat Bottomed Girls they make the rockin' world go round...

So contrary to what you may think, I'm not awake at this time due to my depression for a change (it's official, I've seen a doctor and everything!). But unfortunately my cold leftovers (a sniffly nose and a really bad cough) has kept me up. Plus, I went back to the bedroom last night after a few nights sleeping on the sofa (cold related not row related) and it seems like the appearance of a weird arm ache is my body telling me it prefers the sofa. It's kind of like giving a poor person a mansion only to find they miss the familiarity of their tiny shack. My arm doesn't like mansions (ha! Not like my bed's any form of mansion or "luxury" - it's just better than the sofa).

So, inexplicably, I've gone on a diet. Well, I don't really like to call it that yet because I've only technically been "dieting" for about 2 days. I kind of feel like when I tell people I'm on a diet they kind of expect some change. So until there's some change, I may not tell many people. Especially seeing as this one will probably plummet to the forgotten hole that the rest of them do but I figure it's better than not trying at all.

So here are the few things that are helping me. Firstly the fact that when I've dieted previously I've felt really good so why would I want to going back to feeling bad and feeling judged? That's stupid.

Secondly, I'm using caloriecount.about.com. It's quite useful because I can record my food for the day and see my nutritional balance, a grade for the food I've been eating (I've improved each day - the first was a B+, yesterday was an A- and today was an A!). Plus it works out things like how many calories I should eat to lose weight, how many calories I'm burning etc etc. Overall, quite useful. Useful enough to become a bit obsessed. I'm better at things when I'm obsessed with them. The main problem is getting past me not doing perfectly. If I can do that then I could be on a good track.

Also I'm reading my way through Pasta Queen's blog (google it) who has done what I'm planning on doing (except she did the South Beach Diet) and she started at around the same age as me so I feel like I can understand how it feels more. So far there have been a good amount of things that I do actually relate too, which helps.

Thirdly this photo:

The first is an actual photo of me. The second is a photoshopped one done by some people on Facebook. That is roughly how I will (or at least my body will, the face looks a bit weird) look after losing 50 Ibs. Now, I didn't ever think that I looked like the second but I didn't realise I looked like the first. That's kind of shocking. The thing that's more shocking (and this makes me think maybe they did it slightly wrong) the second picture only shows me without approx 1/3 of the weight I need to lose. At that rate I could disappear by the time I get down to my goal. Either way, this picture's now my laptop background to try and motivate me.

So, for the honesty. I weigh 279 Ibs that's (I think) around 19 stone 13 Ibs. Yeh. I know. I need to get down to 144 Ibs and lose 135. My first mini goal is to get to 270 and then I'll aim for every 10 Ibs from there.

Now, I don't mean or even want this to turn into a "weight loss" blog. However, if all goes well and I happen to document it here, it may just do. Although I could do with the motivation (by motivation I don't mean telling me to put down the cookies and more telling me that I can achieve this please).

So far it's been ok. Again it's only 3 days so I don't feel like any real progress has been made. When I get to a month it'll be progress. Yesterday I was fairly hungry but today I was able to pace it out better. The main thing I'm worried about is our lack of money meaning we can't buy at least fruit (what I'm snacking on at the moment - that and really cheap and small chocolate mousses for if I need a sugar boost - only 100 calories!). That would not help.

Maybe I'll try getting back to bed :)